I'm relatively good-natured and moderately funny. Making people smile is good. Making them laugh? Even better. This is the wheelhouse I like to reside in-- anything out of that realm is out of character.
I don't like to be off.
I give myself a VERY hard time for being anything but on. There's not a ton of room/control over the weight of my more negative traits- a lava hot temper and a sea-level kind of melancholy among them. So, I don't deal with them. Instead, I do the psychological equivalent of plugging my ears, shutting my eyes tight all the while yelling, "IIIIIII DDDDDDOOOONNNN'T SEEEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUU..."
Very mature, I know.
I guess I'm scared that if I keep making that face, it's gonna stay that way. If I am angry, I will forever be perceived as angry. If I am a bitch, stamp it on my forehead and embrace it. If I wake up under a little black rain cloud; break out the tacks- the world has another permanent shee-yore on their hands.
So what? This is what makes us human; being a sum of all these parts. I've got to allow the moment and let it wash over me and evaporate rather than absorbing it and letting it define me. Still working on this one...maybe I'll get the hang of it.
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