Step #20: Find a Balance.

This is the current loop that I am on. I am attempting to break the cycle in hopes of being more balanced between work, play and love (that's you, french fries). Any ideas are welcome. The serious need only apply.

Friday: "This weekend, I'm going to wake up early, drink coffee, read the paper, go for a run, go shopping, pop in some laundry, call my mom, get my nails did, pluck, exfoliate, finish the book I've been reading (for six months), go out on the town, live the life! live the dream!"

Saturday morning: Gym is a complete success. I'm going to go have some lunch, finish my chapter, maybe write a little bit, i should see my family! i should call my friends!! we should have a fun day!

THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESSssssssssszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Four hours later, this is what has been accomplished:

Back to back showings of Sleepless in Seattle and the pattern from the throw pillows on my couch has transferred perfectly onto my face ala so many sunday comics onto silly putty. I am supposed to meet friends. I have 45 minutes. I will do one of two things:

A. I will throw on some Saturday night. I will rabble rouse, wax both poetic and nostalgic, laugh, cuss and carry on until the wee hours.

B. I will ditch dinner all together in the hopes of imprinting a matching pattern on the other side of my face. I will go to bed by 9.

I decide to rally...here's how it goes.

Said pattern does not fade from my face for another two to three hours. That is a full 45 minutes after meeting friends for dinner and drinks. They will stare...and they will laugh. They will ask me about the waffle iron I've been struck with. A good time will be had by all. The night will unfold into either a rousing success, a "meh", or me dreaming of option B.

Which leads me to...

Sunday Mafternoon: (the world's afternoon and my morning) I will wake. I will spend one too many hours wondering and asking myself, (a loud and often) "Wherefore art thou, fair weekend?" A brief burst of energy will allow me to complete approximately 43% of my weekend goals until about 7pm. At this point, the anxiety spiral will begin and I will flush down the proverbial toilet into another work week where it is impossible to accomplish anything other than work for the next 75 waking hours of my life. By 10pm, I force myself into an early slumber that goes as follows:

I search for Eldorado. The sweet spot.






There is no cliff hanger.








I don't find it.



I proceed to wake up every thirty-eight minutes until...

Monday morning- 4:30am - I'm already staring at the alarm clock as it blares in time with the alarm on my cell phone. I take turns alternating a 5 minute snooze until 4:50. I relinquish to the week.

Self-explanatory.

Am I observing the rat race from the inside? Is there a balance? Is there a way to be what you are, do what you love, AND work?

I think much like everything else. There will be no change unless I change. So, where do I start?

Come on, don't be shy now...