Step#24: Take Stock.

It is next to impossible to make it to December without a self-implemented performance exam. No jury of peers, no right or wrong answers. Just you. Looking you dead in the face, giving yourself a much needed talking to.

How have I lived this year? How have I loved this year? Am I fearful? Have I found strength? Have I been open to the process, whatever that might entail? Have I let go? Leaps of faith abounding, hair-whipping abandon? Have I stepped outside my comfort zone? Have I been thankful of every experience, whether heart-breaking or awe-inspiring?

Hmmm.

This is tough.

I was under the impression that there would be a multiple choice section...

No multiple choice?

Well, how about we start with the highlight reel. Who doesn't love a highlight reel?

THE THRILL OF VICTORY

It begins with a slow dissolve montage of the past year that rivals the opening credits of Growing Pains. A light FM (more than likely Billy Joel hit) lulls you from slide to slide. Here you go, bleary-eyed with nostalgia through fuzzy edged stills commemorating your greatest moments.

(INSERT NAME HERE), THIS IS YOUR LIFE!! You are strong, hilarious, brilliant, compassionate, successful, thoughtful, selfless, brave, confident; the you that has fulfilled your potential for the last 365 days.

Aaaaaaaaaah, (tear, giggle...) good times.

Then there's this...

THE AGONY OF DEFEAT.

The clouds roll in. The Piano Man is drowned out by tympanic thunder. The pictures, once warm and fuzzy, become sharp and unflattering (ugh, who PUT that picture in there? I look hideous). This section almost always ends up playing like EXHIBIT A-ZZ in Defending Your Life. You are rude, careless, quick to anger, thoughtless, cowardly, lazy, arrogant and selfish; you are the you that could have been but, didn't deliver.

Well, now what? Your highlight reel has taken a nasty turn that has left you feeling more confused than ever, and maybe even a little icky, right? Without warning you've been side-swiped by your own bad behavior...HOW DARE YOU?

Your instinct might be to forget about those last few embarrassing moments and shift your focus to your crowning achievements. Warm and fuzzy trumps sharp and unflattering, right? Wrong.

As tempting as it may be to "accidentally delete" your downfalls, you cannot run from them. These moments, no matter how ugly, are why you are where you are standing right now. They belong to you. Every unfulfilled potential, broken promise, and careless act is yours to own. BUT, they are not a cross to bear. They serve as a lesson to be learned; a guideline for that tough talk you may have to have with yourself. Those questions up above? They may answer easily, they may not. But they beg to be asked.

So, now's the time. Take a step back. Look in the mirror. Take stock of all that you were and all that you weren't.

Are you satisfied?