Step #23: Just Drive

I am a thinker (to a fault). I plan. I do not fly by the seat of my pants. I schedule. I weigh consequences. I review actions. I like informed decisions. I like to have an idea of where I am going to end up. It's all very thorough and methodical without crossing into creepy counting OCD territory. (For those with OCD: So sorry, but you give me the willies.)

I am wonderful at this....professionally. There's something so comforting about laying out a plan and being able to steer the outcome to a desired endgame. Like a treasure map. Don't get me wrong, I am not under the illusion that anything ever plays out exactly how it is planned. But, with the proper guidance you can land where you want. Set a course and go. Goal set, goal attained: Treasure.

Everything should be this practical, right?

I'm sure you all know this already but, it really isn't....and it's not as if this is news to me. It just doesn't make it any less irritating. Whether as a conscious effort or not, we all plot out points along our routes that we expect to hit. You don't anticipate the land mines, flat tires, falling rocks, flocks of sheep...all the shit that makes your drive a challenge, all those things that force you to consider an alternate route. These unforeseen but, inevitable hiccups get me stuck.

Attempting to plan your path,any kind, (relationships, career, love) is a grievous error...one that oft only shows itself after your car's gone over the cliff. Wile E. Coyote. Bad ending.

See, I know all this but does that stop me?

No, Not really-- And yes, I know I am an idiot.

Planning the journey weighs it down. It almost always leads to expectations which unlike hope, leads you straight to disappointment. (A fact that I have always known logically and yet emotionally have ignored...Damn, I knew I should've turned left at that gas station.)

I have been driving along thus far with a plan. Loosely mapped out directions of where I think I am going and how I am going to get there. Either I can't follow directions or my map is upside down.

So, I am throwing it out the fucking window. I'm just going to get back behind the wheel and enjoy the trip. No resistance. No expectation. Just me and the open road. If you want to join me, I'll be more than happy to pick you up.