Step #18: Plan your Escape.

So, you're stuck.

You find yourself caught in a figurative, (or perhaps literal) bear trap. How did you not see this coming? Who puts bear traps on sidewalks? Panic is setting in. You're sweating. Swelling. It's all becoming a bit uncomfortable. Adrenaline is pumping but it's path is unknown.

How the fuck do I get out of here?!?

Feeling trapped is one of my least favorite anxieties, (of which there are many). It always seems to be that you don't see the trap until it's clamped down on an artery threatening your life and/or limb. It creeps up on you and before you know it you're waist deep without a clear way to escape. How fun.

Luckily, there are a few easy steps that can help you gain clarity and maintain your magnificent gams:

#1: Analysis- The Ol' Bear Trap gives me some time to really assess the situation. Is it momentary melodrama or the sign of a bigger issue? For the former, I slap myself a la Moonstruck (I know I've referenced before but, it's the slap heard round the world) for the latter, the next step...

#2: Stay Calm- No problems have ever been solved by hysterical people. That's a fact. (I found it in a very obscure book about Hysterics written by Eugene Levy... just take my word for it...it's out of print...You won't find it.) Getting hysterical only means you have to get un-hysterical. That is exhausting and usually requires mac and cheese and a nap to be successfully executed. When you wake up, you're still jammed up with your leg in a vice and some sort of questionable animal tracks across your torso. No good for anyone.

#3: Make a Plan- There's not always an immediate solution to freedom. Quitting your job, walking out on your wife, or telling your landlord to "blow you where the pampers is" can have cataclysmic results when not armed with a well thought out plan. Sure, biting your leg off got you free but, look at yourself...

...and now look at your leg.

Look at yourself.

Look at your leg.

Still feel smart?

Before you go gnawing off your leg to race stumpily to freedom, take a breath. You're not alone. Everyone feels this way at one time or another. Careers, relationships, family, living situations; just about everything can feel like a prison.
Instead of lamenting your once glorious stems, maybe think about what you can do to improve your situation. You'll find that nine times out of ten, a solution will reveal itself and save you from unnecessary self-amputation.

In the case of the one time out of ten, might I recommend a side of ranch dressing before you start chomping?